I want to say a million things but I haven't yet processed everything. I feel like I'm living in a daze. Maybe I'm still drugged up.
When I saw Erin on skype yesterday I immediately started crying. My heart ached. Seeing her face and hearing her voice was more than I could bear. I thought it was just because I miss her so much. But last night as I was lying in Michael's arms I had a moment where I broke down. Where it hit me and I latched onto him and I felt my insides shake. I didn't think I was ever going to be held by him again. Ever feel his lips on mine. Ever see his face or hear him tell me he loved me. And so seeing Erin yesterday, even just on my computer, was my miracle. My best friend. Watching her walk away from me at the airport... But it doesn't matter. I held on. I don't know how but I did. She's on the other side of the world and I'm at our apartment with my head shaved again, but I'm here. I'm still here.
I'm in shock. I still haven't spoken to God though I know I should. Sometimes I have moments where I think I'm dreaming. But I can't be. I'm alive. I'll die when I'm old. Not now. Not soon. I have too much to do.
Those last words are the same ones I've waited for you to say for two months. Good work love.
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously? You should shave your entire head. Start over. I've always wanted to - at least you have an excuse!
Best Friennnnndddddd!! You fucking cheated death again! forgive the language. I love you, I adore you. You have no idea the thoughts that went through my head when I got on facebook and got the message that you'd made it. It was a miracle and getting to chat with you made me all jittery. I love you more than you'll ever know. Thank you for holding on, you're a beast. You're brilliantly amazing <3
ReplyDeleteStephanie I cannot tell you how happy I was when i walked in to your apartment and I heard those three words come out of your mouth, "Bring me Desmond". I cried in m computer class when you sent me that text message saying you loved me. I know you love me, because if you didn't, then you wouldn't have held on for me. As frustrating as things can be just know that there is nobody on this planet I would rather spend my life with than you. I love you princess. I will never leave you.
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