Friday, December 9, 2011

I just want to stop time.

I apologize for my blog yesterday. It was nonsense. I'm just very angry. I'm very hurt. I'm lost and confused and I have no idea what to do with all my emotions. The thing is though, what really gets me is not what I'm losing. It isn't the life I won't get to live. Although obviously, that does cause me a great deal of frustration. What really angers me is the people that I have to leave behind. That's what upsets me. They don't deserve this. My best friend deserves to have me forever. Michael deserves to be loved by me until the day he dies and to make me his wife. My sister and brother need their older sister. Desmond needs his mom, not that Erin won't do an amazing job. It's the injustice to them that gets under my skin. I'm not saying that they aren't strong enough to deal with my death. That they wouldn't be okay. But...





Maybe I'm being selfish. I don't know how to let go.

I love you.

Jamie, you said you would be okay because you would have to be. I don't worry about you but I don't know how to tell you goodbye either.
Posted by Steph at 11:47 AM

2 comments:

  1. MichaelR.GrayDecember 9, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    You dont need o apologize for your previous blog. Its ok to be mad it is normal. Last time I checked you were still human which means you are allowed to feel and be angry. I am not ok with whats going on at all. But i honestly feel like you are going to be ok and that you ARE going to wake up. And when you do I'll be right there smiling. And if the worst does happen I know that your love will always be there and will remain forever. I love you Stephanie Marie Gonzalez. And even though you don't to believe it God does to.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JamieDecember 10, 2011 at 5:15 PM

    Goodbyes are unnecessary. At least, saying them is. Those who love you know. You don't need to be insecure about that dearest.

    And you'll be fine.

    ReplyDelete

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