This past week I did a training on grief in relation to reproductive loss. While I have never experienced such a loss, the grief training was discussed as grief from reproductive loss being similar to any type of loss. It was a powerful presentation on how to compassionately discuss and handle grief from clients who have either miscarried or had an abortion. It opens the door that is so often shut due to a societal taboo. I was very glad I went but I will not lie if I said the training was emotionally easy. Not only was my heart opened further for those who have experienced a reproductive loss, it made me think of all the losses in my life and the different degrees of grief I have endured.
One of the biggest component that hit me on Thursday was the concept of how much a loss of any type can change you. The reality that who you were before the loss no longer exists. As a human race I believe one of our biggest struggles is letting go. We constantly try to go back to a certain time when things were where we wanted them. We try to recreate feelings we once had or experiences that made us feel whole. But the truth of the matter is we cannot do this. Once we experience something that shakes us to the core and uproots our life we cannot go back. We are forever changed. We are molded by our past situation and will forever see the world through the lenses of our experience. This does not mean we cannot heal. It does not mean we cannot forgive or move on. It just means that we are a different person. It is foolish to think you can go back and be who you used to be. Life does not have a rewind button or delete. It just has a move forward.
Acceptance plays a huge part. In order to move forward and gain a sense of normalcy we have to accept the new version of ourselves. We have to accept our new reality. Perhaps even harder is that we need to find people and surround ourselves with those who can accept you too. People who do not question why you've changed. People who do not demand that you simply reset and restart but understand that life changed you. You need to find people who will love you through it.
