Major kudos to you if a string of lyrics went through your head. If it didn't, I still love you. It has double meaning at the moment anyway.
Lazy is not a word I would ever use to describe myself and I would hope my friends and family would never use either. However as I look at my bed and the condition it is in and parts of my apartment that word creeps in. Other words do as well. Unorganized. Mess. Chaos. These words make me uncomfortable. The condition of my room makes me uncomfortable. Yet for now three nights I've slept in a completely unmade bed. No sheets, no comforter. Just my Jamie blanket wrapped around me and my other blanket on top of that and my pillow. A pile of clean clothes shoved into a corner of my bed with my comforter filling and my extra pillows. I've had opportunities to make my bed. To fill my comforter, annoying as it is, and place it neatly on my bed just the way I like it. I've had time to put my clothes away. For some reason I just haven't. I look at my bed and I don't have the energy. I just collapse and sleep.
When I'm depressed, I succeed. It's some weird phenomenon. I do crazy things. My whole life is depression. I get straight A's. I get MVP's on every sports team I've been on. Make each All-Star team. Get chosen first. I become the teacher's pet yet still the kid people can be friends with. I have this way of making guys fall in love with me even when I want none of the attention. I graduate early. I beat death. I don't let things stop me. When I hurt, I hurt like hell. When I'm down, I'm at the lowest point you can get. But I turn my pain into this driving force and I use the ground to spring me forward. It is how I survive. It's what I know. It's how I built myself. I don't how I did it, when I started, or why, I just know I did.
But right now? This moment? This year? It's been so long. I don't want to make my bed. I just want to sleep in it.
Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
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