I hate pouring my heart out and receiving silence. I hate long awkward pauses where I'm left to wonder what thoughts are floating in the other person's mind and I begin to panic. I know what I just said wasn't so profound that it left you speechless. Nothing I ever say is profound.

I asked you if you were ever going to say something. You said you were thinking. Then you just walked away. I don't understand you. Don't you realize that I needed to hear something from you? That as you walked out that door you took a piece of me and killed it.

I told you I can't do this alone but I feel like I am. You solidified that feeling.

There are so many aspects of my life that are just crumbling. I'm losing complete sight of everything. Every day gets harder. Every day I feel like I'm moving further and further away from where I want to be. I'm so scared. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I've never been more terrified of a birthday. I'm overwhelmed. I want to latch onto someone but I don't know who.

People are fickle anyway.

I want to go to my park and cry. Maybe God would grant me a second chance and hold me again.