Haunted.

I can't breathe. I've been staring at this piece of paper for days now. I faced a part of me I wasn't ready to face on Wednesday. I think God tried to prepare me the day before but it just wasn't good enough.

Duties. It's such a tiny box to fill. I don't even know what to write in it. I just keep looking at it.

I can't even blog about the experience. I can't form the words. I just feel pain. An indescribable torture. Nothing has ever hurt so much. Not even come close. There is this void in my soul and no one understands. I don't expect them to. And I hate when people claim to. It's irritating. Because there is no possible way anyone could feel the way I do. Could they have an idea? Sure. But no one knows what I went through and what I go through every damn day. I'm completely haunted. I dream about it. Nearly every night. I live my life in fear and I want nothing more than to just forget everything and move on. To find some healing but I can't. I don't know how.

...It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake...

...Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing...

...I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no...

Can't go back, I'm haunted