BP

My friend Liz invited me to her house tonight for some beer pong. I was more than thrilled when she text me earlier this afternoon. I wanted something to do tonight more than anything. In particular I wanted to be around people. Oh, and I wanted to drink. Of course the drinking part was going to be a little difficult. I had no DD. Regardless, I inquired about the time and informed her I would be there.

I drank my one beer slowly. I chatted with Rob, Liz and Justin. We talked about life, and Sam's Club, and nothing in particular. I watched them play and slowly fade into a drunken mess. Justin talked to me about Country Thunder and his plans to bring a U-Haul and I laughed, but was slightly impressed with his ambition. April is going be amazing. Dierks Bently, Big and Rich, Blake Shelton. Ahhh. Rob wanted to me to be his BP partner but I reminded him I couldn't drink since I had to drive home. His friend Vanessa happily volunteered to drink my cups. I took my first shot and I was way off. I shook it off thinking I just overthrew it. Rob took his and he missed as well but he was much closer. Our opponents shot, missed and it was my turn again. I went to shoot and I aired it. I felt sick.

Rob and I lost. I made one cup. I played another game with Justin. I made one cup with him too. We lost as well. When the balls hit the table and bounced at me I had trouble catching them. My reflexes were seconds slow.

I'm trying not to overreact. I'm trying so hard. But...

I want to be able to talk to my best friend right now. More than anything. I want to be held by my boyfriend. I want to hold Jamie's hand. I need some sort of comfort. If it wasn't for Desmond sleeping in my lap right now...

I can't handle any of this.