I don't even have a picture of him. Not that I need one. Every single thing about him is locked perfectly in my memory. I got rid of the pictures on purpose. I hoped to forget. It was painful looking at them. Painful thinking about him. I'm in pain right now.
I remember when I first saw him. I was at my friend Taryn's house. He was tiny and filled with energy. He ran up to me and scratched at my pant leg. My heart melted. I picked him up and held him and he licked my face. Taryn told me that she needed to get rid of him soon. His name was Rigby. I looked at that tiny little brown and white puppy and said I'll take him. The words just came out of my mouth. She looked at me and laughed and asked if I had to ask my parents. We walked into her backyard and I set him down and he ran happily away, but he turned around and looked back at me. He stopped, barked and came running back to me. I knelt down and he jumped back into my arms. I looked back at Taryn and said "Just keep him for me tonight, and I'll convince my parents. I'll pick him up tomorrow."
The next day my dad took me to Taryn's house to pick him up. The conversation I had with my parents the night prior was interesting. But I went into my complete stubborn mode. My get things done mode. The version of Stephanie Marie no one in this world can stop. I wanted that dog so I was getting that dog. When I brought him home I took him into my room and just locked my door. I sat him on my bed and he looked at me and the first thing I thought about was his name. Rigby sounded wrong to me. So I picked him up and set him on my lap and he curled up and fell asleep as I logged onto my computer and frantically consulted Jamie for help. Hah. Jamie named him Asher. It was perfect. Asher is Hebrew for blessed, happy. My Brittany Spaniel was all of that and he made me all of that.
My parents helped with none of Asher's expenses and that was perfectly fine. He was my dog. I trained him. He slept in my room, curled at the foot of my bed. He never made a mess. He never bothered anyone. He was the happiest dog in the world and was gorgeous. He was filled with so much energy all the time. And he loved me. When I came home from school, or practice or a game I would just see his face light up. Asher caught every tear I cried and heard every prayer I prayed. He listened to me complain about everything and anything and would just look at me with those gold eyes he had with perfect understanding.
I can't really talk about the process of getting rid of him. The ordeal with my mom. How she ripped him out of my hands. Then two weeks later she spends $500 on a puppy for my little sister. Asher was free. I paid for his food. I paid for his shots, I paid to get him neutered. In fact, I began working solely to pay for my dog. But Asher was taken from me and neither of us did anything wrong.
On Sunday my mom picked me up from my apartment. She had this huge grin on her face and told me she had a surprise. She reached into her car and hands me a puppy. I didn't even know how to react. She then says "Isn't she precious? We planned on giving her to you, but I'm keeping her instead."
Most days I sit at home and honestly, I talk to myself. I fight back tears. My nights aren't really an improvement. I love my snake, but you can't really cuddle with him. I adore Erin's rabbit but there is a key to that statement. He belongs to Erin. So does Charlie and Flounder. I just wish...
I'm so jealous of Jamie. She has Clare and Meg. I miss those two so very much.
Things aren't meant to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment