Something is wrong with me. Like really. I want to blame it on something. My hormones. That terrible movie. This stupid weather. Some random thing that I can't think of. But this is ridiculous.
I have this dark cloud hovering over me. It was almost like the world spun off its axis when I experienced happiness and in order to regain balance I have to be thrown into this darkened abyss once again. I keep fighting it. Like a mad person I keep throwing myself into my escapes but it isn't working. I keep sinking and sinking and I find myself just wanting my bed and the blanket Jamie made me. I'm being tormented by thoughts of this, and thoughts of that. I want to be alone but then again I don't. I'm consumed by loneliness. It's this constant presence. And then there's this thing that I can't even talk about. This ache I just want to get rid of. I'm so tired of how I feel. I'm tired of the things I keep inside of me. I'm tired of this desperation. I'm tired of my need. I make myself sick.
I have so much to say. But I don't even want to hear myself anymore. I just want to shut off.
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