I'm swimming. I'm almost in a rage. Perhaps I'm always in a rage. I keep getting close to crying but then reigning it in. I want to vent text Erin. I want to call Michael and wake him up and cry to him. Strangely I want to be held by my daddy like a little girl. I haven't been held by my father since I don't know when. I want to get dressed and get out of this apartment and just run. I want to turn on music. I want to go back to sleep. I want everything to stop.
Where did it all go wrong? Where did it all begin? I don't understand.
I can't accept defeat. I can't let go. I can't fail.
I failed. Oh my gosh.
Why.
What happened to me?
Everything is out of control. Everything. Absolutely everything.
I'm going to pass out.
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