"I wanna be a billionaire, so freaking bad..."

To say that I feel well would be a lie. However just hanging out on my couch doesn't exactly do me much good either. My mind keeps racing. I'm filled with this nervous energy. Almost like I have this clock ticking in my head. Oh how I hate clocks ticking. At about 12:30 last night as I was lying in my room I had one of my noise attacks. An extremely bad one. I began crying and clawing at my blankets. I covered my ears with my pillow and screamed. Desmond was next to me and for a second I almost grabbed him and threw him off my bed. His tiny little heartbeat was too loud. His breathing was too loud. Oh but that clock. I'm insane. Insanity. Pure insanity. And there isn't anything I can do about it but lie there and cry, and wait for my world to get louder and louder and louder as I fight the urge to rip my ears off from my head until finally it stops and quiet comes and I'm just left feeling like I can't catch my breath.

About 30 minutes later I was in my bathroom throwing up a lovely shade of red.

I wish I had a lot of things. I'm concerned about my finances for a number of reasons. I desperately need a vehicle. I wish I was with my sister right now. I wish I could go pick her up and take her shopping. I wish I could take her to the movies. I wish she wasn't at home alone bored. I wish I wasn't at home bored.

I stress about money a lot. Sometimes I don't know how I manage. Or how much longer I can. Every month is another battle. I feel like such a disappointment. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to work. I want so much. And not things for myself dammit. I just...

Not that I play the lottery very often. I keep every dollar I get. But if I ever did win I think it's funny that I still think about St. Anne.

Anonymous donation?

I have serious issues.