I had two moments today where the wind was knocked out of me. Where I couldn't manage to breathe a single breath. I felt my insides shake and my body tremble. I held myself, scared that if I let go of my sides I would surely fall to pieces. My heart beat quickened. I could feel a rush of anxiety flood me and I wanted to run. Tears burned into my eyes and I heard myself speak but I didn't recognize my own voice. Two different conversations. Two different situations. One single question lingering in the very back of my mind. Who the fuck do you want me to be?
Things are good. Things are bad. I'm running. I'm battling. I'm winning. I'm losing. I do everything right. I do everything wrong. I'm wise. I'm naive. I'm everything and nothing all at once.
I can't do this.
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