Falling Through.

I feel exhausted. Almost like I've just been in a fight and the outcome was surely not in my favor. I didn't sleep well. I wanted to. I was desperate to. My mind and body desired any sort of reset no matter how temporary. Having Erin beside me chased away the storm of tears that longed to engulf me and rack through my worn out body. My gratitude cannot be expressed toward her and her presence. I'm tired of crying.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and had to look away quickly. My hair grew back so fast but I can see where my skull indents slightly. I know where my scar is. I looked at my doctor's note taped to my mirror that was supposed to free me from all this madness and I wanted to scream. My eyes were swollen. I lifted my shirt up that revealed my ribs and I wanted to break them. My temptations to hurt myself keep building. I began to think thoughts that maybe I should refrain from writing down. My life is going nowhere. But then in order for it to go somewhere I would actually have to have a life.

I'm so confused about so many things. Yesterday brought on too many emotions. I have a bone to pick with God. Really. I would love to have a conversation with Him.

I feel sick. In every way.