I wish sometimes I could go back in time and do things over. But then that always arises the question of how far would I go. Sometimes I just want to travel back to moments and relive them. That All-Star game when I won MVP and I walked out into an empty field to receive the game ball and both dugouts cheered and my dad looked at me with tears in his eyes. My talk in front of 500 hundred teens and afterward having teens coming up to me with tears in their eyes and hugging me and thanking me for what I shared. The night Erin and I drove around aimlessly and went to Tempe Beach Park and wrote with chalk and I was perfectly content just being with my best friend. Being cradled in Michael's arms as he sang "I'll Stand by You" and feeling my heart catch on fire and then plummet into my stomach in this wonderful yet terrifying sensation the moment I knew I was in love.
There are a lot of moments that I would like to relive. Moments with Jamie. Moments with April. Moments with my sister and brother. Moments with my cousins. Yet I can't. All I have are memories. Perhaps I'm fortunate because I have such vivid memories. It's like playing a video in my mind. Though memories like I have are a double edge sword. I'm haunted as well.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just running in circles. I'm in need of so much. I don't know how everything fell apart. I don't know how to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. I don't know how to fix anything. I don't know the solution. Sometimes I'm not even sure of the problem.
I know my name. I know my birth date, my favorite color and favorite food. But the more days pass I question who I really am. And I'm confident everyone around me doesn't know either.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
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