Is it Over Yet?

I just kept staring at the blank box before me, wondering what I could possibly fill it with. It is not lack of ideas or some sort of writer's block that poses as a problem for me. It's more of this fear of saying too much. Exposing too much of my soul. Releasing too much of this heartache and pain that I'm trying so desperately to keep locked away but by each and every day I'm failing to. There aren't any more excuses to fall back on. This is just me completely drowning.

I keep wanting to crawl into someone's arms and just cry. Sob. I would like to say that my heart aches but that's a lie. My whole being aches.

I was talking to April about the "Choke" episode of Glee and my devastation of Rachel's audition. The moment the lights turned off on her on the stage I felt sick and it took everything in me to not just break down. Because well you see, I feel like Rachel Berry. I had so much going for me and then bam, everything fell apart. Maybe I didn't personally put a star by my name but there always was one there and now it's gone. I can't do anything. Of course things for Rachel are different but the feelings Rachel felt when those lights turned off I feel right now. Just complete and absolute failure.

At the end of the episode Rachel sings Kelly Clarkson's "Cry". I might as well be singing too.


...Is it over yet? 
Can I open my eyes? 
Is this as hard as it gets? 
Is this what it feels like to really cry? 
Cry 


I'm talking in circles 
I'm lying, they know it 
Why won't this just all go away 


Is it over yet? 
Can I open my eyes? 
Is this as hard as it gets? 
Is this what it feels like to really cry? 
Cry 
Cry