Heart Beat

Last night during Mass I sat attentively listening to the homily. It was a beautiful homily on the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I sat there in my pew, fresh off a confession that I didn't feel went right, struggling to find peace. As I listened to Father describe two different paintings of the Sacred Heart and his interpretation of both I realized that it wasn't my sin that was bothering me so. Through the grace of confession I was forgiven and I knew that. It was my own beating heart that felt mangled and abused that I couldn't bear with.

Christ has a human heart. A heart just like mine. A heart that the world scorned and continues to do so. In my sinful nature I'm included in that scorning. We pierced that heart. Yet unlike our selfish human hearts, Christ loves us Divinely. He withstands everything though we deserve nothing.

I fail at this every day. Maybe even more so lately. However my prayer still is daily to love and serve the Lord to the best of my ability. I want to live out my saint's quote and "love until I die of Love". I want to dedicate my life to the Church. I want to minister to teens and bring people closer to Christ. I want nothing more than that.

But this heart of mine...it hurts. To the point where taking a single breath seems impossible. And I feel so alone.