I make myself dizzy. I want someone to talk to but then really, what's the point in that? Exactly what am I looking for? I want clear direction right now. I want a map. Actually, no. You know what I really want? I want a schedule. I want a schedule printed out neatly and handed to me with everything I need. It would give me a time frame for everything and tell me the tasks I have to do. I wouldn't have to worry about these stupid decisions that I'm obviously incapable of making and I would stop feeling so anxious and lost all the time. Of course life doesn't work that way.
Everything happens for a reason. What that reason is is what we always seem to question. In the grand scheme of things I want very few things from life. In no particular order all I really want is for someone to give me forever and marry me. I want to be a mother. I want to get a MA in Theology. I want to be a youth minister. I want to be a witness to Christ and His Church. Much more doesn't matter.
I don't know really what I'm doing anymore these days. Once upon a time I had so much figured out. It's frustrating feeling the way I do...directionless. I don't work this way.
I feel like I'm grabbing out at empty air.
The funny thing about direction, is you don't need a road map, but if you are too scared to turn you will just keep going straight on down the road until you end up right back where you started. I love you.
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