Split.

I ended my chemo today. It was an extremely difficult two weeks. Harder than anyone knows. Harder than I thought it would be even in some respects. I thought I would have more support in certain ways. I thought I would be less...whatever. It doesn't matter. I want to talk about it but I don't want to talk about it. This isn't the intention of the blog anyway. I'm just a...mess.

Tomorrow is sort of a big day. Tomorrow our Life Night is in part, dedicated to me. I'm going to receive the Anointing of the Sick in front of my teens and be prayed over by them. Then we're going to have Adoration. I'm a little overwhelmed at the fact that they're doing this for me in the first place let alone to receive this Sacrament publicly like this is slightly unorthodox. Not that it bothers me. It allows my suffering and illness to be turned into a teaching moment. Not to mention I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in miracles and I need a miracle. I need my teens to pray for me. I need everyone to pray for me.

The difficult thing for me about tomorrow is who won't be there. On every given Sunday I'm okay being at Holy Cross. I'm great actually. It's my parish now and I belong there. I love my teens and I love what I do. I don't miss St. Anne Youth Ministry one bit. Or even St. Anne. I miss the teens very much. An unbearable amount. But besides them what I'm missing is my core team. To not have April there to pray over me... and Katrina to get mad at me for making her cry. I need my best friend to hold one hand and my boyfriend to hold my other. Yet I can't have that. There was this split and I'm the only one at Holy Cross. Just me.

I'm scared.