Stay Beautiful. That's currently what's playing on my ipod right now. Brought to you by the lovely Taylor Swift. Ha. I can't write and listen to music at the same time so I should silence my music. Tim McGraw just came on. Maybe after this song...
My life is extremely complicated. Extremely hard. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I'm on some roller coaster ride and hey all, I hate roller coasters! But someone, without my permission, strapped me on and even though like always I don't quite fit in my seat and I'm being tossed around freaking out that I'm going to fall off and plunge to my death and every drop makes me sick, I'm still hanging on. I don't scream on roller coasters. I just close my eyes, yell in my head, grip whatever I can really tight and ball myself in however form I can. I wonder if any way that's what I'm doing now. Some version of that. Or perhaps I'm reaching.
I can't explain to you how perfect my Valentine's Day was. Or even last night going to see Wicked. I can't explain to you how much that boy loves me. Even though he's dumb sometimes. Even though he drives me absolutely insane. Even though there are moments when I lose it and I question everything out of fear, out of stupidity, out of being completely irrational. But if there is one thing I know is that Michael has always known, Michael has always been sure about us. Michael has always loved me. And he loves me through everything. Through my craziness and worst moments. When I'm not fair to him at all and push him away. He loves me through my sickness. Not any man could be here through this. But Michael is always here. I can depend on him. He's the man I'm going to marry. All I have to do is keep living and one day he will ask me, and I won't have any other answer for him but yes.
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