Last night I was with Michael and I was getting a little lost in my thoughts. My mind drifted to my best friend and how I missed her and I couldn't help but be a little bothered at her current travel adventure. I was glad she was going to visit her brother but the fact that she was going to my hometown without me made me kinda uncomfortable. Not that she was going to go explore El Paso, or even that there is much to explore. If I had even gone with it's not like I would have been able to show her anything. In reality she's at Ft. Bliss anyway. Where my grandfather is buried. But it's almost like that's where I grew up-that city is more than some place on a map. The far left corner of Texas. It's home. It's weird her being there and not knowing anything about it. Regardless, as I was talking to Michael and just thinking I thought about how there are a lot of things him and I have to do. He has to take me to Sierra Vista. I have to go to Benson and meet his father. He needs to go to El Paso and walk down Killarney with me. I've driven down that street with all my ex boyfriends. I want to walk down that street with him. I want to show him Edgemere. I want to show him the fields I played baseball at. He needs to meet all my family and sit in my Grandma's house. I'd make him eat Chico's Tacos but I know he'd get sick so I'll pass on that one. :)

Michael has wishes of his own of course. One is for me to meet his friend Richard who is a youth minister in Sierra Vista. I asked Michael last night as we were talking if Richard had a Masters. He told me no and so I asked him how he got hired. After Michael told me I just started crying. Just thinking about it now I'm holding back tears. My heart aches with this deepest desire that I've never known before. I want to be a youth minister more than I want to breathe. More than I want to love. Because for me it's almost the same thing. I want an opportunity. I need a chance. Just one chance.

I'm so scared of never getting that chance.