Julia Nunez. RIP.

This past weekend I traveled back home to El Paso with my best friend. Her brother is stationed at Ft. Bliss and she was kind enough to let me tag along so I could see my family. Although I had planned the trip prior, this past weekend it seemed like I was in town for only one reason. In the very early hours of Sunday, the 19th, my Tia Julie took her last breath. Her funeral was scheduled for last weekend. As soon as I reached El Paso, my cousin Frank picked me up and drove me to the funeral home to view my Tia. I arrived a little before eight, and the rest of my family had been there since three. Seeing my aunt, and listening to my family say things about the person that she was hit me extremely hard. Up until then I had held myself together fairly well, but in the presence of my family I broke down. Frank held me while we both cried together and mourned the loss of our great aunt.

The next morning was her funeral and I was told to ride the limo with my aunts and grandma. As I sat in the limo with them I couldn't help but feel out of place. Riding to the funeral home, then the church and the cemetery I was just racked with guilt and sorrow. For years now my Tia Julie had lived in a nursing home and not once had I visited her. True, I live in a different state but the few times over the years that I have gone to El Paso I should have taken the time to see her. She suffered from Alzheimer disease and hasn't known me since I was a child but that should not have stopped me. My previous "out of sight, out of mind" mentality crippled me with even more grief and I had a difficult time composing myself throughout the entire day. To make matters worse, my thoughts kept consuming me with countless other things and severely spiraled me into a depression. Still, now back at home, I'm haunted by many things.

My Tia Julie was a wonderful woman. She took care of everyone. Her heart was enormous and although you never wanted to be on her bad side, she was someone you knew cared deeply about your well-being. She was stricken for so many years by a terrible disease. My only comfort now is that she is in a better place and no longer handicapped by the deterioration of her mind.

I hope she can see me now and know I loved her.