"And forget about everyone here"
That's exactly what I want. Because I'm undeniably selfish. Yup.
I'm not so sure when I became the person that hid in sleep. That just turned the world off and hid under the blankets and passed out. My sleep is no where peaceful and I just wake up panicked and wanting to sleep more but it's so strange. I feel so sick all the time and it's frustrating because I shouldn't be sick anymore. I should be getting healthier every day and regaining my strength but I'm not. I'm just here being consumed with the things I can't yet do for all these various reasons. I feel like a caged animal.
"Eager to leave." "Not considering my choices." You have no idea. I understand your desperate need to hold onto me but if I can't do something...if I look at a situation and I get to a point and I accept defeat, do you realize how difficult that is? And then I make a decision and act on it, honestly, maybe, that may be the best decision for me. And isn't that my problem? Isn't that what everyone has been yelling at me for all my life? That I don't think about myself enough? Yet here I am thinking...and here you are yelling...
Nothing has been decided, because I'm still fighting for what I have under my feet. But God and everyone else knows I have such poor footing.
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