Change in my life is abundant. My baby girl is growing up so fast I can't stand it. The countdown on my phone gets smaller and smaller for my wedding. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I need time to just take everything in. There are so many things I want to hold onto and freeze. Like my daughter looking up at me for the first time that morning 5 and half months ago. Or how now every time she sees me a giant gummy grin spreads across her face. I want to hold onto the moments where I'm lying in Michael's arms and he kisses my forehead and gently wraps his arms around me tighter. I had a moment earlier this week that was so simple, but it made my heart ache. My best friend sat on the couch and hugged me while my daughter played on the floor. Internally, I captured that moment in my heart but I wish so badly it was tangible. I wish I didn't have to worry about never sharing in a similar experience. I took in that single moment because that's all I could do. The future brings far too much change.
I never thought she'd move out on my birthday. I didn't expect her to be out of town when my daughter was born. I didn't think she would get married before me. And I never imagined she would be moving away. My joy for her is exponential. But as January 25th gets closer, I try harder and harder to figure out how to live without her within my reach.
Dearest Best Friend,
ReplyDeleteI love you an insane amount. Now more than ever, I wish I had treasured my time more. I never planned on moving away; and like you said, planning gets us nowhere. I regret the fact that up until May of this year I thought I would always be here.
I don't want to leave you or your daughter. I will miss so much in your life and especially hers. My greatest fear is that she won't know me.
I'm glad that you captured that moment on the couch, I wasn't sure if I was the only one anymore who captured those moments. I miss how things use to be when it was you and me, but I love the family you've begun.
I don't know how the future will be. I know that my days will be scattered with conversation with you, skype chats, silly comments, and that will have to be enough for the time being, but up until then...it's you and me best friend and I will treasure my time with you even more than I did before (as if that's possible).
I will miss being able to come over when you need someone, even if it's just a ride to your parents, I will miss being able to call you and have you come over and tell me everything will be okay.
We have been through a lot. We can get through this change. It's going to be okay best friend...(and maybe I'm saying that more for me..because I am terrified.)