It's so painful not knowing where to turn. It's heart wrenching having a life filled with people yet no one who you can actually depend on. When your world shatters you hope someone is there to help you pick up the pieces. To hold you while you stare at the remains of who you used to be and what you knew and help sort through the pain. But honestly I've never been that blessed. I've never had a go to person that would drop everything for me and be there. I've never been not afraid to fall, knowing I would be caught.

I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to be at this stage and feel this way. I don't know when everything changed and how I completely missed it. I don't know how to attain happiness that I once knew. I don't know how to take a step forward.

All I know right now is pain and that familiar sense of abandonment. And how much I can't afford to be like this right now.