Have you ever felt like you were dying? Every breath is harder to take and you begin panicking as not enough life sustaining oxygen enters your lungs. Your body aches in unimaginable pain and nothing you do eases it. You sit there praying and just waiting for the final blow to take you. Waiting for the last ounce of your strength and fight to fade away. You wait for everything to go dark. But it never comes and you're left without the ability to cope.
I can tell you from experience that actually dying is a lot easier to handle than just imagining that you are. When you actually are dying you have a time frame. Someone gives you an estimation at how much longer you have to suffer. But when you are just imagining it? When every pain feels so real but there is no end in sight? Yeah. That's a million times worse and ironically, more fatal.
I've never felt so naive. So stupid. I feel like I was blindfolded and led down a dark hole as whispers of happiness and life-long promises were filling my ears. When the blindfold was finally taken off I was simply waist deep in a hole, unable to move.
It's an indescribable feeling realizing that you were wrong. Realizing that you aren't the world to someone, you're just part of it.
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