Alexis Marie Gray

I had never known more love than in the moment I saw her. Ever since I knew I was pregnant my heart has swelled with complete love and devotion for the tiny baby forming within my womb. However seeing her for the first time last Tuesday took my breath away. It was the hardest thing to keep from getting completely hysterical as they showed me every tiny part of my daughter's body. Tears kept escaping my eyes and I felt myself shaking. Nothing could ever be possibly more perfect than my little girl.

I'm not going to lie though. I am beyond terrified of having a little girl. The world of dresses, make-up and hair is a foreign one to me. The color pink makes me slightly uncomfortable and raising a little girl to be a woman seems almost like an impossible challenge in a world of Cosmopolitan magazines, airbrushed models, and shorts that are just way too short. The insecurity that haunts my own life is something that I would never want to pass on. I want her to embrace the body she's in, no matter what, and to always know and feel beautiful. I want her to live fearlessly and love without restraint. I want her to not be afraid of making mistakes and realize that perfection is a state of mind and not an actual thing. I want her to laugh freely and dream without limitations.I want her to succeed as well as fail so that she may grow and know the beauty of not just happiness but of heartbreak and therefore be stronger because of it. I want her to know the power of prayer and the greatness of the God that created her. I want her to find a friend that is as amazing as her godmother and my best friend. I want her to find a man that loves her as much as her father loves me. I want her to be proud of the decisions she makes and not be afraid to take steps on her own. And perhaps selfishly, I want her to know that no matter what she will always be my little girl and I will be there forever to catch her if she ever falls.

Lexi Marie. I find myself falling into a pile of tears every time I think about you and the journey we will continue to travel. I eagerly anticipate the day you are lying in my arms and I hear you cry for the first time. My entire life I have striven to be perfect. I have failed every time. Yet even through my ugliness and sin I have managed one perfect thing, and that darling is you.

The words I love you will never be enough.