Misdirection.

I don't think I have ever been more misrepresented. I'm not sure I have ever been more misunderstood and accused of so many things. I have never been so attacked at all levels before. I've never felt like wanting to just walk out because I will never be listened to even if I chose to speak. Chose to defend myself and explain my point of view for once instead of sitting quietly like I so often do and just take the abuse. How funny it is that all those in my life just point out my flaws. They just tear at me and tear at me. You do this wrong and this. You make me feel that, and that. It's funny because you all confuse me. For one moment you're telling me how great I am and the next you're telling me how terrible I make you feel. Then you wonder why I can't seem to fully love myself.

What gets me is when the pointing of flaws are lies. When I know they're lies. When I know that isn't the truth at all. When I know that you just don't get it and have no idea what the hell is going on. But I let it go and it becomes my truth anyway. I feed off of it.

I get so mad sometimes. I want to defend myself. I want you to know how you make me feel without these assumptions. But your reaction to everything sucks.

I try harder than everyone else but I'm the one that gets no credit, not you.

To live like I want is a tragedy filled with saints and sinners.

To resist what I did. To have sat there and cried. To have stood there and shaken. To have been everywhere I was and felt everything I did and resisted.

No one will understand the crosses I carry.

God alone.