60%

When I received my news on Wednesday afternoon I didn't quite know how to take it. My immediate response was relief. I was almost giddy. I wanted to call Erin. More than that. I wanted to run to wherever she was and grab her by the arms and shake her. See I told you! I wasn't going to die. Then all of a sudden I felt anxious. Uneasy. I couldn't pinpoint it. Regardless I needed to tell someone. I text Erin first and told her to call me as soon as possible. Then I text Michael, and April. I waited by my phone hoping Erin would call first. She didn't and so I busted out my news to the person who replied the quickest. When I finally said the word, even with the word "partial" in front of it, it sounded so good. Remission.
Erin eventually called me, as did Michael. I told Jamie. I text my friend Kat who has been wonderful and keeps tabs on me every day even from her location in Chicago. My little sister was the first person I told in person and her face lit up. There it is-the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to get better.

I still have so much left to travel in this whole cancer ordeal. I know this. And as far as recovery and healing from it? That's an entirely different battle. But I'm going to get better. I'm scared about a lot of things. I'm never going to be the same and that terrifies me because I don't know how to function outside of this illness anymore. I'm afraid of never being able to do everything I used to and most likely, I won't. I'm terrified that it will come back. That I'll get a few good years. Or maybe some great long years. Twenty or so, but then it'll come back. However I also know that I can't live in my fear. God is bigger than everything. He has performed miracle after miracle in my life. I just need to keep trusting Him and allowing His grace to lead me wherever He wants it to.

(At my anointing ceremony. My sister laid her hands on me and said a prayer over me and then kissed my cheek)