I have all these unkempt emotions and thoughts floating all around me. It's like I'm in a bubble that can't break. I keep trying to mold myself together but my hands are unsteady so I just sit there gripping onto pieces of myself with trembling hands. I'm 33 weeks and two days pregnant and being a mom gives me no fear at all. Having my life being solely dedicated to another human being and being in charge of their well being does not seem daunting whatsoever. It is what I was built for and am wired to do. Other things cause me fear. Never truly being who I need to be for myself scares me.
I don't say all the things I need to say. I keep everything hidden to the point where I forget what I'm feeling. Then I experience moments of flashbacks that stop me in my tracks and momentarily paralyze me. I relive every feeling as though it was happening right then and for a moment I'm swept away and I cannot be reached.
I live in a haze and either no one notices or no one dares trying to bring me out. It's a disease that is unrelatable to most and feared by all.
I want to know the moment I ceased to be that and became this. And when did everyone start creeping away.
